How long has it been? How long, dearies, how long?
Weeks? Practically a month! 27 days, I believe, since last I updated here (or something, how does that thirty-days-hath-thingummy rhyme go again? And what of maths? Can anyone count?).
I am terrible and lazy and also incorrigible, which I used to think meant “not to be encouraged”, but in fact doesn’t at all. Whatever it is, I am it, though.
I blame chocolate. Chocolate in the form of oranges, and caramel dainties, and wafer thin mints. And also cheesy biscuits. Not chocolate in the form of cheesy biscuits, you understand, but cheesy biscuits as well as chocolate, in all its myriad forms.
But the time for such decadence is over, and the time for not-at-all-pretentious (you scamps) games writeringness is returning.
The first post in the ethereal pipeline is about VVVVVV, which is a ridiculous name for a video game, especially when you have to type it literally tens of times for your article. It is a good game though, perhaps a splendid one, and earns the right to an absurd moniker through its fearless efforts to engender GOOD GAMEPLAY and CUTTING-EDGE GRAPHICS. Very excellent and I give it 95%.
That’s a joke, in a sense. Not in the sense of being funny, obviously, but perhaps in other deeper, more elusive senses that we as humans are not yet able to fathom.
Yes, there is proper discourse of VVVVVV coming. I’ve written words upon words, standing on the shoulders of other words, hoisting yet more words upon their spidery backs, about the game already. The problem, as could have been predicted, is THEY ARE NOT GOOD WORDS. Not only that, but I’m not sure they are even IN THE RIGHT ORDER.
Clearly, there is more work to be done.
On a more cheerful note, however, I won the Eurogamer Reader Review of the Month competition this month. My Mirror’s Edge kinda-review was officially Tom Bramwell’s favourite of December, which secures me “some sort of prize”, along with the obvious swooning girls and free cocaine that the title bestows.
I’m super happy, natch, and now possess the relevant enthusiasm and tempered self-loathing necessary to get on with some serious games writing — provided I can stop mumbling about word pile-ons and fucking cheesy biscuits for more than five minutes.
So I’ll crack on with the work, and you THREE READERS sit content in the knowledge you’ll be hearing from me shortly. Or longly, depending how many After Eights there are left in the box.
Oh, and just to confirm — that was Tom Bramwell editor of Eurogamer I was talking about, not Tom Bramwell I used to go to school with, who now takes pictures of trendy models wearing scarves in abandoned warehouses for his successful photography blog.
THERE ARE TWO TOM BRAMWELLS, PEOPLE! Seems like dark witchcraft, if you ask me.
Now, to words!
[Image of Meiji Chocolate Bar courtesy of Strapya World]